From Natascha

Dear You (and Me),

This letter is about nothing and everything. My life is perfect. Supportive family, wonderful husband,  hilarious son. I'm a doctor and I love my job. But sometimes, I'm not well. It's not the overwhelming gut wrenching sadness that's the worst, that's when I know I'm not very well. Throat constricting sobbing and quiet screaming that's all feelings.

It's when the nothing arrives. I stupidly think 'oh finally, some relief.'

But then

nothing,

nothing,

nothing.

It can be hours, days or weeks but it always seems like forever.

Just nothing.

I have nothing to say to my wonderful husband, nothing to add at my dream job. I stop answering the phone to my supportive and hilarious friends and family. Just nothing. Colours are more grey, music is only noise and the perfect life is in a perfect bubble, and I can't reach it. I can't ever see the end or the light or even know if it's coming. But it does.  It always does. A little at first, like a firefly. A little shimmer over water. Then the spell is broken. Like the banks of the river bursting, life is back. I can feel. I'm back in the bubble. I cherish my time there because it is marvellous. I know one day nothing might come back. I have to remind myself it always goes away, and that is everything. That's why this letter is to You and Me.

Best Wishes

Natascha