From Joe

Dear You,

I remember the last time that I was down in that place, and I could see nothing but pain and torment - that was all that had ever existed and all that ever would for me. My thoughts were relentless and savage, each one a hammer blow to my fragile psyche, and I couldn't escape them for more than a few moments. I'd been here before, two or three times, but my mind told me this time was worse.

The thing I needed to hear more than anything was that I could heal, that I wasn't so damaged that I could never live properly again, that my brain could function like a healthy human being and I could have some hope of enjoying life again.

I went to the internet and searched 'depression success stories' and found some. It lifted me. Other people had been down here too - they knew how it felt, I could tell - and they bravely told their story of healing. My depressed mind, of course, went on the counter-attack and told me that the stories of these people didn't apply to me, my situation was too hopeless, my life story too unique, my character too broken. I longed to believe that I could be one of those people, but I was told by depression that I couldn't be.

I now know beyond doubt that the depression was lying. I am capable of recovery just like those people, and you are too. Don't believe its lies.

It was incredibly hard, but day by day, decision by enormous, seemingly impossible decision I made it through. I can't remember specifically when I crossed the line and came out of my depression, but I know I'm not there now and haven't been for a while. I'm human again. I have room to breath. There's a space inside my mind that isn't being flooded by depression; I've been able to read, to learn, to reason, to enjoy again. I have plans for the future.

I still wonder if life might take me there again, but I know that if I'm mindful, if I steer the ship carefully, then maybe I'll hold off that next storm so that I never live to see it. That thought comforts me immensely - as depression sufferers we'll always have a mind capable of turning on itself, but that possibility can remain just that: a possibility. It can for me, and it can for you too.

From Joe