I am you, I know exactly how you feel. I know the craving to fill yourself with anything that might make you feel better, to drink until you pass out, to pop pills until your numb, to smoke weed until you green-out, to fuck with out feeling, to cut until you feel that you can't bleed any more, to eat until you feel like you'll explode, and to turn on the shower to scalding and stand in it until it feels cold. I know you even though I don't. We share the feeling of hitting the bottom of a bottomless pit.
You claw yourself up the wall as far as you can, but then the rain comes and you slide back down, your hands bloody, raw, and numb. You feel even more hopeless than you did before. You try again and again but never make it to the top. It feels impossible, it feels like the walls are closing in, and soon there will be no way out.
I wish I didn't know these feelings, but I do, and yet I'm still here. I am here to tell you, you will get out, to keep fighting, and never give up. A year ago I was ready to die, to end it all in the prison that was my dorm room. No one knew the pain I was in, because I kept up a mask to hide the pain I was feeling. What I want you to do is let down your mask, own who you are, and get help. Since I let my mask down I have received so much support and love from my family and friends, it gives me the strength to keep on fighting.
I am nowhere near "cured" but since becoming congruent and owning who I am and what I'm going through, it has gotten better. Another thing I want from you is to find and outlet. Mine is reading, writing, drawing, anything that I can use to get my emotions out. Expressing your emotions keeps you from going crazy in your own head, keeps you from feeling like you'll explode, and allows others to understand you better, allows them to support and love you, to give you strength. This will give you the power to keep going.
Find your outlet and keep fighting, things will get better, I am living proof, and that is the power of expression.
Keep fighting you are worth it.
Here is a link to Zack's blog