I can feel your pain, your loneliness, the complete feelings that your problems are insurmountable and the thoughts that the world will be better off without you because there's no point anymore.
I want to share with you some secrets about the place where you are currently at, from my place which is 6, 12, 18, 24 months into your future.
No one, apart from others who've been there, can understand and empathise with the dark feelings you have. You may come from a walk of life where 'it isn't expected or accepted' to feel depressed, which will be adding to the weight and burden of what Winston Churchill called euphemistically 'the black dog'.
What you don't know though, is that these feelings will pass, please have hope in this.
The helplessness you feel, won't always be there, and in your future, where I am now, you will be thankful that you didn't end it now. Trust me on this.
Do a simple thing, when you feel at a loss - go and have a shower. Nothing more, nothing less.
Come back and tell me how you feel?
Remember, each minute, each hour, each day - is a chance for those better feelings to be developing and growing inside. They may well be waiting to bud and bloom very shortly - nurture this time.
With support and hugs from Welsh-Snowflake, who is a future reflection of you.