I have been where you are. I know the despair that can take over every thought and drain the colour from a day. I remember how sadness can be overwhelming: that every step or bite or word can feel painful and raw and impossible. And for a little while, maybe it is not possible. It’s OK if you can’t do it today. It’s not your fault; it’s not something you can will away.
I know that these moods can feel isolating and embarrassing. I understand how difficult it can be to be around people who cannot relate to what you are going through. If it helps, there are many out there who can, and those who can’t may have the power to reach you from the other side. Let the people that love you throw you a life-rope, and though it may take time to grasp it, be comforted in the knowledge that it is there.
Remember the words of King Solomon: “This too shall pass”
It will help you remember that the bad times fade and that the good times are worth appreciating. I know that I will never ‘lose’ my depression. It comes and goes like an unruly houseguest in my brain. My approach is to find strategies to keep it at bay. Hold on to happy things and let go of things that threaten that happiness.
Run. Or walk. Or hula-hoop. I know it may take days or months to get the strength, but when you do you will reap the benefits.
Be kind to yourself. Your body is the only place you will ever live and your mind is your key to unlocking the world. Although sometimes they may falter, they will never lose their value.
At times I have been tempted to romanticise my depression, pretending my tortured soul gives me a special status or insight into the world. The temptation to wallow in suffering is always there, but I have come to realise that simplicity and peace are for more attractive than tragedy and agony. Happiness is not a simple thing to achieve but there are small treasures within every part of life. Savour them.
You are not alone and your suffering does not lock you out of the rest of the world. Depression is a part of life, but remember the other things to live for that lie waiting for when the clouds pass.
Be kind to yourself. You may not be able to control how you feel, but you are strong for experiencing these things. Don’t forget the dreams of your childhood self: to be happy and healthy and explore the world. When you feel better, you will.
Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.