I have been where you are. I have autism and anxiety to add to my depression. I have felt like I was drowning in an unforgiving ocean of loneliness. Sometimes the numbness could be overwhelming. I have hated myself to the point of successfully failing to end my life on more than one occasion. I say successfully failing because I am always glad I am still here when the good days return, and wow they can be good!
Sometimes I still feel the dark demon named depression seeping in through the cracks but with great people to talk to and a move to beautiful surroundings with all aspects of nature to comfort me I am learning to understand and mannage my feelings. Sometimes I walk for hours through the mountains I live in and think how lucky I am to get to experience this. Sometimes my walks are met with absolute silence in my brain which is pure unadulterated bliss for a mind that is often uncomfortably racing.
It takes time, but I promise you once you have found what helps you it does get a little better with each day. It may not feel like that now but when you look back on this point years from now it will become evident. Don't give up yet, give life another chance. I am.
Peace and love to you,