I know it’s hard to believe people when they say ‘I know how you feel’… but I really do have an idea of how you feel. Because I, like you, suffered for days, weeks and months on end with the fear, dread, sadness, emptiness, self-loathing, disinterest and sense of worthlessness that comes as a free gift with depression. But I’m here to tell you, there is hope.
You know as well as I do about those nights where no matter what you do, you can't get to sleep. I understand the tossing and turning every five seconds, praying that you will find a comfortable enough position for you to drift off and avoid the hours of painful distress and internal attacks of memories, worries and criticism. But you will have good nights. It just takes time.
You will have better days eventually, if you haven’t already. The things you feel will be less intense, less invading and less powerful. They will start to become logical, in the sense that you understand them, rather than feel like you’re being attacked by them. You will recognise the change, and embark on this day with a whole new mentality. And even if you revert back to the panic, anxiety, fear and sadness of the previous day… you will have had that day. And that day is what makes you keep fighting. Even if you haven’t had it yet, the thought of having that day, should keep you fighting.
There is always hope.
One day you will be back to being you. You will go out with your friends and enjoy the sunshine on a warm summer’s day. You will enjoy the foods you used to love and find new hobbies, as well as gaining a new found appreciation for the ones you already had. You will smile, and enjoy the moments that you are awoken by the sun beaming through your window. You will love, and cherish those you have in your life, and worry less about the ones you don’t.
Depression is a black fog. And some days it’s worse than others. People can be misunderstanding and probably won’t know how you feel 90% of the time. But, there is a wide spectrum of people who do. And I am one of them. And I suffered for a year on my own, with no help, through no fault but my own. I was ashamed and scared. So if there’s one thing I need to tell you... it is this:
You are important, and you are cared for. When you think that no one would miss you if you were gone, and that you are worthless, without any possibility of being loved or building friendships… you are wrong. People love you, and people will help you if you ask. Depression is not always easily identified, so when you think you are alone, you really aren’t. You just need that little spark of courage to ask for help. And when you do, more help will come to you, than you could possibly imagine. More love will be shown, and friends will either prove themselves worthy of your friendship or not. Be mindful, that either is okay… because you need the best people around you. And when you do, happiness will soon follow.
Remember you are in yourself, a universe… and you too, are as important as the rest of them.