It's hard looking back. More so when things become clearer.
I always felt my physical and mental health problems were to blame, yes they played a part but also me not accepting the person I feel I am deep inside. I was this scared and fragile little girl that didn't stand up for herself when it was needed. I was a doormat I would let everyone walk over me or kick me about like a piece of trash. I felt used, broken and worthless. I didn't think I had the energy to keep fighting not after all this time.
But somehow through that darkness, I found the light.
I never thought I would start to see things clearly. I thought I would be trapped forever. I'm not saying some days are not still in the darkness because there are, I still struggle with those thoughts within my head.
The depression will always be there. The recovery process takes time, it takes months, even years to get free of this illness. We shouldn't be ashamed of it. It shouldn't still be something we don't talk about. We should shout it from the rooftops and be proud to say the word 'depression', as we stand together and fight this it the only way to get people to understand depression isn't easy.
But we all find away to get through it. Find that hope within your soul. Accept the help your doctors give. Be open and honest with the ones you love and never be scared to ask for help. You will feel better for it.
Never ever suffer in silence.