It might not seem like it now, but you are not alone. It also may not seem like the light will ever shine again but trust me, it will. Right now, you might feel worthless and weak. You need to know that you are far from that. You are so much stronger than you know. Living in the darkness is exhausting, but it is also brave. What you are going through is painful and scary. It is a dark cloud permeating your days. It is a thick fog through which you try and go through the motions of daily life. It is trying to get through a day where the edges of every moment are blurred and hazy and nothing is ever in sharp, clear focus.
You won’t understand this now but the darkness you are in at this moment is making you a stronger, more empathetic, more aware human being. At some point, you will see the light. It might be only a glimmer, but it will be enough to give you hope. It isn’t going to be easy to pull yourself into the light - you will need to figure out what works best for you - medication, therapy, exercise, or a combination of these or other methods, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
When you come out the other side, you will recognize that the strongest, most empathetic of hearts belong to those who have experienced both the heavy and the light. Depression is a brutal teacher. Its lessons are meant to challenge and cause doubt. But, its lessons, as painful as they are, are also gifts. I learned what I was capable of, what I could endure, and where and how to draw strength. I do not wish depression on anybody, but I’ve made my peace with it because it taught me so much.
I am not going to tell you that the black dog won’t come nipping at your heels again someday or that you won’t start feeling a subtle darkness sneak into your days, because you might. But, if and when that happens, know that you’ve beaten it before and you can do so again. Reach down into that part of you that remembers the sweetness of light and fight to bring it back.
The key thing to remember is this: You are not weak. You should not feel guilty. It is not your fault. You will soon realize that one of the strongest, bravest things a person can do is to tell their story and to get help in fighting the darkness. You are not alone. Your heart has been heavy and that makes all the moments of lightness so much sweeter. The darkness might always be there - but so will the light. Pain will always be there - but so will hope.
Never give up on yourself, your truth, or your story.