First of all I am sending you a big warm hug or if you prefer I am just holding your hand in mine, saying nothing just letting you know I am there.
I had a few spells of depression as a teenager and again in my twenties. Then in 2000, I had a major set back and voluntarily went into hospital. I was there for 10 days and then went to live with my parents as I could not be on my own; for obvious reasons.
I had an excellent psychiatric nurse, I attended Group Therapy and then later Cognitive Behaviour
Therapy. Here I am 15 years on, well and happy.
The hardest part for me was:- no-one could tell me how long it would take to get better, but it happens. You will not see it or feel it at the time, but at some point you will look back and see how far you have come.
Please accept where you are at this moment in your life. There is no point fighting it, it is what it is.
One of the best pieces of advice I had from my psychiatric nurse, was look after yourself and put yourself first, so I did. If I said to my Dad, I am going to bed for a bit I would and bless him my Dad, never raised his eyebrows once. He did not even arrive in my room asking why I was wasting such a beautiful day lying in bed; which is what he did when I was a teenager.
Try to look for one good thing every day and write this down in a book, then occasionally look at the book and realise how many good things there around you.
I now find far more joy in the simple things in life, being on top of a windy hill, walking with my dog, watching the clouds, spotting things in nature. These activities enrich my life more than money ever could.
I wish you well on your journey. If you have a bad moment (s), let them happen, trust me they will pass.
Look after yourself