I remember. That sinking sick feeling, the loss of control, watching everything slip away, feeling paralysed. Feeling as if you are just existing and there is no way to live.
This is how I felt on and off for years. Depression for me gradually got worse and worse, like a parasite. BUT once it had got way past feeling of any worse feeling I had ever experienced, slowly gradually as it had got worse, it very gradually got better. I took baby steps. At first, getting out of bed was an accomplishment. The next day, getting dressed was. The day after I was unable to move again. But the day after that I was able to get up and get dressed.
After tons of meds, hospitalizations, psychosis, believing that no one was in my exact situation so they couldn't know that I would get better... I got better. I still struggle some days of course. But the darkness has lifted. I am able to live again. And what was my biggest healer personally? Time. Time made me so ill but time also got me through. Meds helped, CBT helped, a friend helped, music helped. Time healed.
In darkness, the sun will rise again. Always.
Love from Izzy xxx