Although we have never met, in some respects, it is like looking in a mirror. I understand what it feels like to be in the dark depths of depression. I understand what it feels like to feel hopeless like things will never be ok; that things will never get better. I understand what it feels like to think that your family would be better off if you were not even here.
I am here today to share my story by the grace of God and for an unbelievable support system. I am here today because I didn’t remain silent. I spoke out about my feelings and my thoughts of harming myself. I am here today and I bring a message of hope and perseverance. I am here to tell you that things WILL get better. I promise you that and you have to believe. Do not remain silent and alone in your illness.
I came from a very dark place. Every day was a struggle. It was a struggle to change clothes, take a shower, and to take care of my baby. I should have been a new mother full of joy and happiness and I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed. I was full of anxiety over every little thing. I was deeply depressed.
My mother suffers from depression and bipolar disorder so I knew she would understand. I would often call her and tell her “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I am tired of fighting. I want to give up. My son deserves a normal mom.” But what she made me realize is that I have to do this and I have to fight – for my son’s sake – and for myself. I was worth it. My son needed ME. He needed me to be his mother. He would not be ok if I left him. I was the only person that could be that mom to him. No one else could fill that place in his life but me. That is what kept me going.
Coming out of the depression happens in small steps, but each step is important and crucial to the healing process. Whether it is simply taking a shower, going for a walk, doing the dishes, or taking out the trash. It all makes a difference. Then all of a sudden one day you realize you are singing in the car to a song you like and you think – I am starting to feel better. There is another side – a better side – and you are on the road to recovery.
It will happen for you. It will. You just have to hang in there and take it one step at a time. Even if it is baby steps. You will get there. Just give yourself that time to heal. Each day is a new day and each day brings a fresh start.
Here is hoping that today is the beginning of your fresh start. Take a deep breath and carry on. The people in your life need YOU and YOU are worth the fight.
Here is a link to Christina's blog