I have so much empathy, love, and support for you. I know what it feels like, or at least what it felt like for me. I know that numb terror. You are absolutely not alone. You are absolutely not broken. More than half the people you see on the street probably feel the same way you do. I can't tell you exactly how to fix it, but I can tell you that I've been very depressed in the past and today I feel so much passion and love in my life. I'm happy.
My situation was more acute than some others. An incident occurred and I was thrown into a sudden, unexpected emotional breakdown. I had something of an existential crisis "What does it all mean? What's the point?”. Had suicidal ideation, a complete sense of disconnect from everything I used to care about, panic attacks, all that jazz.
I started working with a therapist on the underlying issues. I also got on an extremely helpful medication. I’ve done a number of things since then to get where I am now. The point is, I'm not scared anymore. I’m not numb. No more suicidal ideation. I haven't had a panic attack in months. I love, I have passion, I feel excitement and happiness. And I keep growing and learning. I know you can too. I know it. I kept trying, that was the main thing. I kept trying new things till I found what worked. It wasn't instant or even terribly fast. So keep trying. It really does get better. Love and support, my friend. I'm with you.