Life began to unravel spectacularly for me 4 years ago, with a divorce and relocating. It was especially difficult at my age (62 now) not being able to find a job, and the Government postponing my retirement for several more years.
In the past two years it's been one setback after another. I used to love reading, but I just can't concentrate. But by far the worst thing has been the loneliness, isolation and being unable to find any purpose. It's not being alone that's difficult, it's knowing that no-one cares.
I can only say: if you don't know what to do, do nothing. Just be, until you feel calmer. Drugs and alcohol will NOT help and there's not a man or woman under the sun, or situation, worth topping yourself for.
Remember your depression will lift. You won't always feel like this. And in no way is that a platitude, it's a fact. It will happen even if you do nothing about it whatsoever. You just got to hang on. And I know it's hard, unbelievably hard. But it will pass, it really will.
You are a worthwhile person. You're not stupid, useless, ugly, worthless. Dismiss that from your mind right now, it's simply not true. You're far stronger than you can ever imagine.
And it's perfectly OK if all you did today was survive.
Bear in mind that the black thoughts that assail you in the small hours aren't valid, in even the smallest degree.
Wishing you all the best.